Friday, June 4

I got a call today from our down-the-street neighbor, Cathy. Her sons Andrew and Michael play with our son Dylan. Normally the extent of our conversations are "Hi Cathy, it's Dylan's mom. Can you send him home?" and vice-versa. Today was different. Cathy called to tell me that they are going to be hosting a Russian orphan for a month and that more host families were needed. Were we interested? I told her I'd have to discuss it with Morgan. We pretty much immediately decided that this was something we would do. It's the least we can do given all that God has blessed us with.

Saturday, June 5

I spoke with Juli today. She's the lady in our city (Camarillo) that is organizing the host families for this area. She explained that the children were being hosted through the International Christian Adoptions (ICA) "Welcome Home" program. Each year they bring 50-75 Russian orphans between the ages of 5-14 to Southern California. During this time, potential adoptive parents are able to meet with the children. Host families care for the children for the month, providing them with food, clothing, shelter, and love. Juli's going to fax over the information and bring by some pictures.

Sunday, June 6

We received a page of children's pictures today that we can choose from. I want them all! Such sweet and innocent faces, but I can only imagine the pain behind their little smiles. Most of the pictures look like little mug shots. Not very clear. We have chosen a 9 year old girl named Ksenia. There's a meeting tomorrow night at Juli's where we can get some more information about the program.

I've been researching on the internet like a mad woman, trying to get as much information about Russian orphans, adoption, the language- anything and everything. I've collected some great links that I hope will be helpful for other families. Check them out.

Monday, June 7

Ever hear the saying, "Be careful what you wish for because you might just get it."? Well, my new saying is "Be careful what you pray for because you might just get it."! Morgan shared a story with me on the way to work this morning. He said that he has been feeling more and more like he needs to be working with less fortunate people. On Thursday, he saw a TV program that showed a child with cancer running a lemonade stand to help raise money for research. He immediately felt like God wanted him to work with less fortunate children. So he prayed for God to open a door for us. The next day Cathy called about the hosting program. He had been in semi-denial all weekend about it and didn't want to tell me. But he finally reconciled the fact that God had just been itching for him to ask for help. Ask, and ye shall receive! Quickly and in a big way, apparently! I told Morgan that I would appreciate prior notice of any future prayers he sent up that might affect our family!

Tonight we went to Juli and John's house for the meeting. They have been blessed enough to be able to adopt two children from Russia who are happy, healthy, and thriving. What a blessing just to see those children playing in their home and being normal kids! There were two other families there getting information as well. We went over the basics- language issues (these kids do not speak any English), hygiene, food, requirements, etc... I can't even begin to imagine the culture shock these brave kids are going to face.

Tuesday, June 8

Emotional roller coaster is a complete understatement of how I have been feeling these past few days. I'm scared of falling in love with this child. I'm scared that I'll just have to adopt her because I won't be able to bear the thought of her being in an orphanage. I'm scared that it will cost too much money. I'm scared that she won't get adopted by another family- I'm scared that she will get adopted by another family. I can't sleep because she's all I think about. I think about how crappy my childhood was and how it has affected me- and how much worse hers is and how it is/will affect her.

Today I called the agency to tell them that we were interested in hosting Ksenia. As a back up, I chose a sibling set- Anna (age 10) and Anastasia (age 7). I left a message, but didn't hear back today.

Wednesday, June 9

Double the pleasure, double the fun! Ksenia has already found a family, so we are going to be hosting Anna and Anastasia! Becky from ICA read me what little information she has about them. They have been in the orphanage since December of 1999 when their mother's parental rights were terminated. Now I'm really scared. Having one child was going to be a challenge, but now two? Am I cut out for this? Getting in over my head? It's really frightening. Because now I'm REALLY scared God is going to call us to adopt these little girls. Double the fun, but double the expense as well. Juli told me that a couple here in Ventura county was actually interested in hosting these exact girls this summer with the intent to adopt, but their summer schedule was too busy. Hopefully we'll get a chance to meet them. Maybe God wants these girls here for that couple. Maybe for another couple. And we're in negotiations with God to rule out us! Priority number 1 is finding these girls a loving adoptive family. Please pray that God will open up the hearts of the right people.

I ordered a CD today that teaches Russian children how to speak English. My goal is to have them recognize their ABC's and 1-10. I plan on having a hour long "school" session each day with them.

Today was my book club meeting. I had to leave early so we could go get finger printed. My good friend Jan (who got me involved with the book club) said I should explain why I had to leave so early. I told the group about Anna and Anastasia and a woman I've never met in my life came up to me and gave me a check for $100 to buy them clothing and toys!! Phenomenal! And I had been concerned all day about the financial aspects of outfitting two little girls. 

Tonight we also had our small group meeting with some members of our church. I didn't go because I'm exhausted and needed to get a nap while everyone was out of the house, but Morgan went and told the group about the girls. Another check for $30! We aren't even asking for money and people are giving it to us! This is surely God at work.

Friday, June 11

My biggest concern this past week has been the language barrier. I've been searching everywhere to find someone here in Camarillo who speaks Russian and would be willing to sit down with us a couple of times while the girls are here to let us have a real conversation. I found a company here that does translations, so I sent them an email explaining the situation. $200!! OUCH!! No way. I've sent emails, posted on message boards, everything I can think of to track down a Russian speaker. Luckily, I took time out of my quest to pray about it. You think the internet is a powerful tool?? Try GOD!! My friend Jan (the one from book club) was telling a friend of hers about the girls. He informed her that his wife speaks fluent Russian and would be willing to help!! Can you believe it!! In fact, they adopted a girl from Romania several years ago. Simply amazing.

President Reagan landed at Point Mugu right as we were leaving our warehouse in Port Hueneme. So we decided to stand alongside the road with thousands of others to show our respect as the procession drove by. Watching the hearse go by carrying that flag draped casket, I could only think about how he was a major factor in the downfall of communist Russia- and that is what is allowing all of those Russian orphans a chance at being adopted.

Monday, June 14

A mixture of emotion today. I just got a call from ICA. There is a family who is interested in adopting Anna and Anastasia, so they are going to host them. Just when I had my heart set on these two girls. But God is faithful and has answered our prayers for them to find an adoptive family. I thanked Him- a little begrudgingly I'll admit, but I thanked Him none the less. I'm sure I'll be in a more thankful mood tomorrow. For now, I'm kind of "mourning" their loss. Silly, isn't it? I told one of my employees earlier today that I missed them already and they hadn't even got here yet. Now I guess I won't even get the chance to know them.... I'm not even looking to adopt (yeah Mary, keep telling yourself that!) and I'm going through all of these crazy emotions. I can't even fathom what people who are seeking to actually adopt go through. So apparently no girls are left to host- only 6 boys. ICA is going to call tomorrow to tell me about the boys who are left. I was really looking forward to a little girl, but I was looking forward to a girl when I was pregnant too- and now I can't imagine life without my son. By the way- the Russian CD I ordered on Wednesday came today. That was really fast considering that the mail didn't run Friday because of President Reagan.

Tuesday, June 15

I called ICA today about the children who are still in need of a home. Karen said there were about 3 boys left, and she'd call me back with the particulars. Well, come to find out there's only one boy left- Alexey- 9 years old from Ivanavo. We said of course we would host him. I came home and looked at my picture sheet and lo and behold if it isn't the boy I had told Morgan I would choose if we were getting a boy, because Alexey looks a lot like our Dylan. Interesting.... Luckily I've gotten over my depression about losing the girls. I gave God a proper "thank you" this morning and I'm really looking forward to hosting Alexey!!

Wednesday, June 16

Tonight we went to a meeting with all of the host families. It's amazing to hear their stories of how God is working in their lives to make hosting and/or adoption a reality. One family is planning on adopting three children!!

Saturday, June 19

Well, today is the day!! We were expecting the children to arrive at about 8pm, but then got a call that the flight was delayed for 2 hours so it will be closer to 10pm. I can't even imagine how tired these kids must be. First, a long train ride to Moscow for most of them, then a long plane ride, a delay, and a long drive from LAX to Camarillo. On top of that, there's a 12 hour time difference. Either he's going to sleep like a lamb or be up, wired, and ready to go since it's morning where he's from. I'm praying for option #1! It's 9pm, so about 1 hour to go. Tick, tick, tick...can't the time go by faster???!!!

It's now midnight and we just came home with Alexey. What an unbelievably brave kid. He seems to be taking it all in stride, lots of smiles. Some of the kids were crying, some looked like they wanted to, and some were like "Ok! What's next! We're ready for it!". A wonderful woman made quilts for each of the children and gave it to them before we left. So we came home and I showed Alexey around. He's so mellow- reminds me of Morgan. We managed a little bad Russian and determined he was hungry, so we offered him some "kleb" (bread) and "yaablaka" (apple) and "vada" (water). He ate the bread, but nothing else. I asked him if he was tired, and he said no. We sure are. I showed him the parrots, I think he got a kick out of seeing the peteetsas! Now he's watching tv with Morgan and Dylan- ah America...a few hours in the country and we've got him well on his way to becoming a couch potato! Dylan went upstairs and came back down with a little wooden treasure chest that has "jewels" glued all over it that he made a few years ago. He gave it to Alexey. What a sweet gesture! Dylan really does have a kind and compassionate heart.

Sunday, June 20

It's 7am. All I dreamed about last night was airports and Russian kids and franticness. I went in to check on Alexey and he was laying awake in bed. I said "Dob ra ee oo tra" (Good morning) and that got a big smile. He got up and I told him I was going downstairs. He didn't come down after several minutes, so I went to check on him. He was holding one of the toys (Let's Go Fishing) and I could tell he was waiting to ask me if he could open it. We took it downstairs and put in a battery. Boy, what a smile!! Morgan and I played with him a couple of times, and he played by himself for awhile. Then he took it upstairs and came back down with Elefun. I went upstairs to get another battery, and Alexey had put the fishing game back in its box and back on the shelf. And his bed was perfectly made like he'd never even been in it. A kid that puts away his toys and makes his bed?? Maybe he can teach Dylan and thing or two! Morgan put the batteries in Elefun and they headed to the living room. The first butterfly that flew out of the trunk, Alexey caught it in his net! He's a really quick learner. When he was playing the fishing game and would get down to the very last fish which is hard to catch, he'd try to turn the machine off when the fishes mouth was open so he could get the fishing line in! Very mechanically minded, this one!

Dylan woke up and they both went upstairs to play the fishing game. I made some "bleenahs" (pancakes) and they seem to be a hit with strawberry jam. He's just so mellow- taking it all in. It's hard when he tries to say something in Russian and I don't understand him. Frustrating for both of us, but he doesn't let it show. He's really enthralled with the parrots. I let him hold Candy. He was trying to tell me something about a little bird (hand gestures for small and saying peteetsa. I showed him the swimming pool. I pointed to the deep end and made a "deep" hand gesture. I pointed to the shallow end and he immediately made a "shallow" hand gesture. He understands so much more than I thought he would! Can't wait to see how he reacts in the pool! Now it's time to get ready to go to sercuff (church). I'm going to stay in the Sunday school class with him. It's probably going to be pretty overwhelming....

Ok, this kid is SMART! I love it when kids have the ability to look at problem and figure out a creative way to deal with it. Like with the fishing game this morning. We have these things for the pool called water worms. You fill them with water and then they shoot out a fast, thin stream of water when you push it (kind of like a water gun). One of the water worms fell in the pool, out of reach. Without missing a beat, Alexey took the other water worm and used the stream of water to push it to the side!!

Church went well. I stayed in Sunday School with him. He shook about 50 people's hands, so that was probably kind of overwhelming. After church, we did what any God-fearing American does- we went to McDonald's! I got him a chicken nugget happy meal and a coke. That first sip of coke got a strange reaction! But after that he drank it all. I told him the nuggets were "kooreetsa" (chicken) and he looked at me like I was crazy. I don't think he's ever seen chicken that looked quite like that! He ate all of the weird chicken and a lot of the fries. Then Dylan took him outside to play on the equipment. Man, I don't know who had more fun- him, or us watching him! Talking up a storm in Russian the whole time! After that, we went to Target and bought him some clothes. Then we headed over to the toy aisle. I told him "te hoe chis" (Do you want) and said "one", putting one finger up. He immediately understood and picked out a very cool red motorcycle with a rider on it. There was a little toy car with a Coke-Cola emblem on it. I had pointed to the emblem on the soda fountain at McDonald's and told him "coke" when I filled his drink. I pointed to the car, said "coke-McDonalds" and that got a big smile. We actually ran into Cathy (the neighbor who got us involved in this adventure) and Natalia (the 7 year old girl she is hosting). Natalia was very scared last night and all of our hearts went out to her. Today, she was playing with Barbie's hair and picking out the prettiest shoes she could find! What a blessing to watch that little girl blossom!! And what an extra blessing to know that she is most likely going to get adopted by that wonderful family!!

The kids (all three of them- Alexey, Dylan, and Morgan!) are now in the pool. He was fine until he got in water that was a little too deep and his floaty noodle slid out from under him. He was under water for about 3 seconds and had quite a startled look when he came back up! He immediately got out, put the towel around himself, and played with Dylan from the edge. Soon he got his confidence again and wanted on the floating lounge. He's having a ball on that thing! Rowing himself around making boat engine noises!

Well, it's now the end of day one. No where near as difficult as I thought it would be. Alexey fell asleep in the living room at about 6pm. He woke up about half an hour later and went upstairs. I figured he was playing. I sent Morgan up at about 6:45 to get him for dinner and he was fast asleep on his bed. We're just going to let him sleep. Tomorrow is going to be an early day because Monday is the busy day at our business. We'll leave here at about 6:45am, and drop Alexey off at Juli's house (the lady in charge of the ICA Camarillo group). He'll have Vacation Bible School from 9-12 with all of the Russian kids. Then he'll go back to Juli's where about 4-5 other Russian kids will be at her "day care" until I get back from work at about 4pm.

Monday, June 21

Today was "busy day" at work. I dropped Dylan and Alexey off at Juli's at 7am. Apparently they had a good time at Vacation Bible School and at Juli's afterwards (they went to the park and jumped on her trampoline). Juli's husband, John, dropped the boys off at about 4:30pm. The first thing Alexey did was point to the swimming pool and indicate that he wanted to swim. At this point in the story, I need to take a detour. My husband is extremely tired today. Why? Because he had dreams every half hour last night that Alexey was drowning in the pool and he had to save him!! So before we got in the pool, I told Alexey "pash lee mag a zin" (Let's go to the store.). We drove to SportsMart to get him a lifejacket. Better safe than sorry. On the way, we saw a dog. I pointed to it and said "sa ba ka" (dog). He smiled and said something about a dog. I asked "lyoo beets sabaka?" (Do you like dogs?). He nodded yes. I told him "Mary and Morgan two (held up 2 fingers) sabaka". They stay at our business, so we'll take him to see them soon. I pointed out an airplane and he said it in Russian. I repeated. He seemed pleased with that. On our way back, he pointed out another airplane and said the Russian word again (I've already forgotten it). He also saw an orange tree growing on the side of the road full of oranges and pointed that out. I'm sure he's never seen oranges growing on a tree! So we came home and he and Dylan swam for a while. That life jacket is a real lifesaver! (No pun intended!). He could go into the deep end and really get around well without having to worry about his head going under. He and Dylan threw Splash Balls at each other. He's so pale. I guess they don't get out in the sun much. After about half an hour, he decided he was ready to get out. I don't know how he stays in so long. It's pretty cold. He came inside and changed clothes. He and Dylan played the Fishing Game, and now they're watching a Russian DVD cartoon. It's about a wolf and a rabbit- kind of reminds me of Roadrunner and the Coyote. It would never get airtime here in the states. Each episode starts with the wolf lighting up a cigarette. Oy. Well, pizza is here- Alexey's first I presume. Hopefully it will go over well because the cupboards are BARE! I've been so busy I haven't had time to get to the grocery store.

I'm not so sure how well the pizza went over. He ate it (I think he'd eat anything just to be polite), but I don't think he'll be requesting it anytime soon. Juli told us in the orientation meeting that they don't have a lot of spicy foods like tomato sauce, so they have to get used to it. To make up for the pizza, I asked him "marazh enaya?" (ice cream). Oh yeah! Big nod! I gave him a scoop. He ate all of that. He's such a neat little kid. I was looking through the Russian dictionary and I asked him if he liked bananas- yes. Carrots? No. Typical 9 year old!

Well, Alexey is all tucked in for the night. He watched TV with Dylan for about an hour and then started yawning a lot a little before 9pm. He got up and I made a hand gesture for tired. He nodded yes, so we went upstairs, brushed his teeth, put on his pj's and I gave him a hug and tucked him in. I said "spa koy ne nawche...goodnight" and he said "goodnight". His pronunciation is extremely good. I make him say lots of things in english and the only word he's really had a problem with is morning. I think the "orn" sound is hard for him. Kind of like all of those AWZH sounds in Russian are difficult for me!

Tuesday, June 22

We started the morning like we have every morning. I went into Alexey's room at about 6:45am and there he was, wide awake. I sure do wonder what time he wakes up... I said "Dob ra ee oo tra" (Good morning) and got my smile! He got up and came downstairs and watched TV (Winnie the Pooh) while I made him his breakfast. Some people reading the journal have been asking me what he likes to eat. It's hard to say. He eats everything I give him. Breakfast the last 2 mornings has been that Quaker Flavored Oatmeal. I make it with milk because he won't drink his milk. I know that the milk in Russia is very different (unpasteurized), so he may just not like the US version. Since he indicated yesterday that he liked bananas, I gave him a banana with his oatmeal. He ate it all. Today Cathy is going to take him to Vacation Bible School. I sent Alexey upstairs and told him "doosh" (shower) and gave him his clothes. He bathed and came back downstairs. I was getting ready, and noticed he had disappeared, so I went upstairs. He was coloring in the coloring book I had put in his room. I sat down and watched him. He's very good- stays in the lines and puts his crayon back in the box before he gets another. 

I dropped him off at Cathy's. I said "Pash lee Cathy ee Natalia dome" (something to the effect of "Let's go to Cathy and Natalia's house". He headed for the car, but I said "No" and pointed down the street. We walked past the next door neighbor's house and he said something "blah blah blah dome blah blah blah". I think he was asking who lived there. We knocked on Cathy's door and I dropped him off. I wonder what he thinks about going to all of these different people's houses.

Tonight is a BIG night!! The translator my friend Jan found for us is coming to dinner. Ilona is the translator and Toby is her husband. Jan and her husband Hal will be here too. I've been so busy I haven't had a chance to go to the grocery store, so I'm sitting here waiting for Alexy to come home from Cathy's. They were going to go with a few of the other Russian kids to someone's house to play in the water for the afternoon. These kids LOVE the water!!

Ah, the simple wonders of a trip to the grocery store!! Alexey and I got in the car. I showed him the automatic sunroof for the first time. He liked that. Then I rolled down his window. He liked that too! We had a conversation of sorts on the way about Michael. This is Cathy's 7 year old boy that Alexey had spent the day with. Cathy told me that they really hit it off. Alexey was talking to me about something and he said "Natasha". I don't know if he meant Natalia or not. I asked him "Michael, droog (friend)?". He said yes. And then said something about Michael. In the store, I would point to the produce and ask him "lyoobeets?" (you like?). Some yes, some no. When we got something, I would say "We need four (or how ever many) and I'd hold up the right number of fingers". He would put them in the bag and we'd count "One, Two, Three, etc..." until we got to the right number. We passed by a big dinosaur balloon and he liked that. I may take him to the Museum of Natural History here in Los Angeles to see the real ones! I think he'd get a kick out of that. When we got to the ice cream aisle, I showed him all of the different kinds. It must have looked like ice cream heaven! I told him to pick out one. He looked and looked and finally decided on the vanilla. Juli had told us that is the favorite flavor in Russia. I was proud that he could pick it out. In the checkout aisle, he was looking at all of the candy and gum. I pointed to the top part and said "gum" and made a chewing motion with my mouth. I pointed to the bottom one and said "con fee et ee" (candy). I told him he could pick one. He got bubble tape. We got one for Dylan too. I showed Alexey how to put the groceries on the conveyor belt. He helped. Then he went to the end and tried to put the individual groceries back in the cart. I told him no, the bag man would do that. So he watched the bag man. I explained to them that Alexey was from Russian and he didn't speak English, and his situation. The more people I talk to, the more likely I am to find him a home. Back in the car, Alexey immediately pointed to his window. I showed him how to press the button to roll it down.

While I'm making dinner, the boys are in the spa. I think Alexey feels a little more comfortable in there. For one, it's about 20 degrees warmer! And he can touch the bottom. I brought out a bunch of army men and some plastic plates and they played for about an hour. Alexey would float a man on the water and say "plaa vaats" (swim). I love it when I can understand what he's saying. Like when he came up to me today and said "peet". I knew immediately that he wanted a drink. I highly, highly, highly recommend that anyone planning on hosting sit down, learn some of the common phrases, and then think of some things your household will need to communicate regularly. Do some research and figure out how to say those things. It will enrich your life and greatly help in communication.

Dinner was wonderful. It was so great to see Ilona speaking to Alexey in his native language. So nice for someone in this house to say something he understands that consists of more than one or two words! He was very shy and didn't want to talk to her very much. She kind of had to drag responses out of him. She told us that she has the feeling that he has been told to "shut up" so much in his life that he's afraid to talk. My husband said that he had the same feeling. I can't even describe how sick that makes me. She brought him two bags of candy and offered it to him. He said no, but she insisted and he finally took it. I told her how glad I was that I wasn't the only person he refused! Practically every time I offer him something he says no. What she said is very important to anyone planning to host or adopt. In the Russian culture, it is polite to consistently refuse something and that the giver should insist. So remember that when your child is constantly saying no- it's not because they don't want it, it's because they're being polite. One of the many things I wanted to know was what kind of food Alexey likes. She asked him and finally learned that he likes chicken, mylinka berries (which we think are raspberries), and that he does not like our white bread and wants black bread. Ilona said she didn't like "fluffy" bread either when she came to the states. He's used to a much denser type bread. So I told her to tell him that I would make chicken for dinner tomorrow night. He also told her that he wants to go to a toy store. We've gone to Target and Kmart, but not a real toy store yet. His little motorcycle man broke, so I asked her to ask him if he wanted another. Yes, he does! So I had her tell him we would go tomorrow. She said that as he asks for things and sees that they actually happen (like chicken and toy stores), he will open up more.  He also said that he wants Dylan to teach him to swim. We sat at the table a long time talking about various things. Tony and Ilona adopted a little girl from Romania after an grueling  4 year process. Jan and Hal also have experience with adoption, as Hal's daughter was adopted (domestic). After a while, Alexey told Ilona that he wanted to go to sleep. I thought then would be a good time to get away from the "crowd", so I told her we should go upstairs and try to talk to him there. She asked him if he had any questions about anything going on. What he said upset me. He asked why he was here. I was under the impression that these children knew what was going on. I told her to explain to him that he was here for a summer camp and that he would be going back to Russia in three weeks. He told her he didn't want to go back. It took every fiber of my being to not cry right there. In fact, as I'm writing this I'm fighting back tears. Think of it. He's in a strange place with strange people. He doesn't know exactly why he's here. He doesn't speak the language. He can't tell us what he wants, likes, etc... All of that and he'd still rather be here than back in Russia with familiar things. That speaks VOLUMES to me. Ilona talked to him some more while I fought to maintain composure. I had made a calendar for him with pictures representing things that he's going to be doing on the days he'll be doing them. So she explained about the picnics he'll be going to, sleeping over at Juli's, spending the day at Juli's house, going to the zoo (he had no idea what that was), watching fireworks (again, no idea), playing mini-golf (again, no idea), and then the little airplane picture representing the day he goes home.  Then we talked about "school". I had her explain that I was going to teach him his numbers and alphabet in English. He said he wanted to learn. I then asked if he would teach me and Dylan the numbers and alphabet in Russian and he said he would. We'll start that tomorrow. I know how smart he is with figuring things out, and I want to see how "academically" minded he is. My guess is extremely, but that his potential has never been unlocked. I had him read out of a Russian children's book I had bought. Ilona said that his reading is ok, but not great. Again, I don't think for one second it's because he's "dumb", but that no one has ever sat down and worked with him one on one. We also found out that he doesn't like to play outside with balls and stuff. He does like the park though. I had her ask him if he liked McDonald's. That got a big smile and nod. He remembers that word!!  He prefers to play inside with toys. When asked what kind the reply was any kind! I had Ilona tell him that if he wakes up before us he doesn't have to just lay in bed. He can color, or play games, or whatever quietly until we wake up. I had her explain that he was never to go in the backyard with the pool by himself. He told Ilona that he wants a watch. She told him that she would buy him one. She's so kind hearted, a really good person. Then she wrote down her name in Russian for him and her phone number. I asked him to write his name. He did. And lo and behold, it wasn't Alexey that he wrote, but (I don't know how to spell this) Al-ee-o-sha. Apparently that is the name he prefers- kind of like a nickname. He said he wanted us to call him that. We will. But for simplicity's sake in this journal I'll continue to call him Alexey. 

We put him to bed and went back downstairs to talk. I told Ilona how neat and tidy he is- always puts away his toys, makes his bed, tucks in his shirt, etc.. She said he's trying to do everything perfect so he won't disappoint us. Me, Jan, and Morgan were on the verge of tears. We also talked about what will happen once he goes back to Russia. I told her that once someone decides to adopt him, that it could take 6+ months to get him home to the states. She said that is a shame, because in his heart he will believe he's staying at the orphanage because he will be there so long. If someone does decide to adopt him, I will make sure that Ilona comes over and explains the timeline to him so he can understand that although he'll have to be in Russia for several months, that he will come back. And that it will be forever. While we're on this topic, I'm going to answer the question many people have been emailing me about. Are we going to adopt Alexey? The answer is no. We did not come into this hosting process with the intent to adopt. Financially, we're in no place to do it. Plus, we lead extremely busy lives and I don't think we could give Alexey the time and attention he would need- especially that first year. As a lady in another forum said, she wishes she could save every child. But to adopt a child just because you feel sorry for them isn't doing anyone any favors. There is a family out there for Alexey. This child has too much potential to just be left in an orphanage to rot, only to be turned out on the streets with no skills once he reaches "adulthood". Please, if you know anyone who is considering adoption, tell them about Alexey. International Christian Adoptions is having two picnics in the next month where potential adoptive parents can meet with these children. You can contact them for more information.

Wednesday, June 23

This morning Alexey was still asleep when I got up at 6:15am. As I was finishing entering in yesterday's journal, he came down stairs- with a mouthful of his gum! He was saying "dvaa" (two in Russian) and holding up two fingers. I couldn't figure out what he meant. I asked him if he wanted to watch TV and he did. I showed him how to turn it on. After a while, I heard him say excitedly "Shrek!!". Now for some background. The gift we gave him the night he arrived was a Shrek doll. Everytime we go to the store I point out and say "Shrek" when we see something with Shrek's picture (which right now is every other product on the shelf!). He saw a commercial with Shrek and was very excited about it. After a while, he started talking excitedly again. This time, it was Spiderman. He apparently really likes that. I looked up the word for spider and said it to him. He nodded excitedly. Then he started gesturing to his arm and making noises and motions of a web flying out. He wants one of those things you put on your arm and it shoots out silly string stuff. We'll get that today! He's really opening up a lot this morning. More talking than usual. I think his conversation with Ilona has put him more at ease. Hopefully next time she comes over, he'll be a chatterbox! While I was making his breakfast, he went upstairs and came back with his coloring book. We started looking through it, he was telling me what the pictures were in Russian and I would tell him what they were in English. After several pages I came across a picture he had colored. I made a big deal out of it and put it on the refrigerator with the one from yesterday. A few more pages, and there was another picture. I repeated the process. He took the book back upstairs. Apparently, when he was talking about "two" this morning he was telling me he had colored two pictures. For breakfast, I gave him his oatmeal, bananas, and we had some frozen blackberries, raspberries, and cherries in the freezer. I thawed them out because he had told Ilona he liked "mylinka" which we think is raspberries. I showed them to him and said "mylinka?". He said yes and ate them all. I'm going to get some fresh ones today for him. Luckily I don't have to work today, so I'll drop him and Dylan off at Vacation Bible School at 9am, pick them up at 12pm, go to McDonald's for lunch, then pick up Morgan and we'll all head to the toy store for a motorcycle and a Spiderman arm thingy!

I just dropped Dylan and Alexey off at Vacation Bible School. As he was getting out of the car, he had a huge grin on his face. A very nice Russian lady came over and talked to Alexey. She's the translator for VBS. I looked at her tag and guess who??!! Natasha!! That's who Alexey was talking about yesterday!! It's nice to be able to put one and one together and actually get two for a change! Juli was there as well. She said a couple from Thousand Oaks (about 15 miles away) called and was interested in adopting a boy!!! My heart just leapt! There's going to be a CPR class on Saturday that many of the host families are attending and the couple has been invited to come. I pray to God that this family is an answer to everyone's prayers for Alexey. 

Due to Russian Law I am unable to post pictures of Alexey. But here are the pictures he's been coloring!

I picked the boys up from VBS. Alexey is becoming so much more animated and talkative!! He was showing me the little star he got and telling me all about it. I smiled and nodded. I do a lot of that lately! In the car, he immediately indicated that he wanted his window down, and he yelled out "Sasha!! Da spi danya!!" (Goodbye!). Sasha is another of the Russian boys being hosted. I don't know if they're from the same orphanage or have become friends since they began their trip. I asked him "Te hoe chiss yest?" (Do you want to eat?). Yes, he did. "Pash lee McDonald's". Big grin and nod!! So off we went to McDonald's. This time, I had him try a cheeseburger and he really liked that. Then lots of time on the playground where he played hide and go seek with Dylan. When we were ready to leave, he took his ever present bubble gum tape out of his pocket and offered a piece to the little girl on the playground and to Dylan. It's nice to know that he is a sharing kind of kid. You'd think that being in an orphanage would exaggerate a child's "mine, mine, mine" tendencies since the resources are so limited. I knew he was kind hearted to animals, now I know he is kind hearted to people as well. When we came home, he wanted to give the star he got at VBS to our parrot Candy, so I clipped it on her cage. 

Speaking of good hearts, I forgot to add this gem to Monday's entry. So much is going on that's it hard to remember to write down all of it. Since Cathy took Alexey to VBS on Tuesday, there wasn't enough room in her van to take Dylan as well. So we decided that Dylan would stay home. That night as I was tucking Dylan in, he asked me if I thought Alexey would be sad because he wasn't going to VBS with him. I asked if he was worried about that and he was. I told him that Alexey would be fine and that they could play extra hard when he got home to make up for it. If I don't learn anything else during this experience, I have at least learned my own child's heart.

We went to the store. As soon as I said "Pash lee magazin" he got very excited. I'm sure he remembered that Ilona had told him I would take him to the toy store today. We went to Target and first went to the clothing aisle. All of Dylan's swim trunks are too big for Alexey, so every time they get wet they hang off of his skinny little butt! Before we got to the swim trunks, there was a display with a bunch of Spiderman shirts. I told him he could pick one. Then we found a pair of Spiderman swim trunks as well. I told him they were for "plaa vaats" (swimming). Then we went to the toy aisle. He immediately found that wrist web slinger thing he wanted. We ran into another family that is hosting and spoke with them for a few minutes. They're also hosting, but not adopting. They have a little girl named Alonia (I think). She's probably about 8-9 years old. Since his other motorcycle man broke, I was going to let him get another. There was a Spiderman on a motorcycle and the regular man like he had before. I pointed to one, said "ee-lee" (or) and pointed to the other. He picked the Spiderman. With our shopping done, we went to check out. He saw a Shrek thing and said "Shrek". At the checkout, he put the things on the belt. The man ahead of us was kind of slow writing his check. Alexey took the items in front and scooted them back, so the belt would automatically move them forward again. He did this several times. Too cute! We had to walk to another store, and on the way he was talking non-stop and said the word "Spiderman". So his first two English words that he says without prompting are Shrek and Spiderman. Hollywood would be so proud! Back at the house, he immediately put his web slinger on and shot darts and silly string and water. Major fun!! 

Alexey and Michael (Cathy's son) had hit it off yesterday, so I called and invited him over. They decided to go into the pool. Alexey had a grand old time as usual. I looked up the word "jump" and told him to jump into the pool. He said no. But he went to the spa, stood on the edge and jumped in! Then he did something I totally did not expect. He got out, stood on the edge, looked at me, and said "One, Two, Three" and jumped!! In English!! Without prompting!!! WAY TO GO ALEXEY!!!!!!

Tonight I'm making chicken for dinner, as promised. Then we have a mandatory check in with all of the Russian kids and the two Russian chaperones that came with them.

The chicken was a HUGE hit!!! I took it out of the oven and said "koo reet sa" (chicken) and boy was he happy! I also had mashed potatoes and green beans. He didn't care much for those, but this kid ate a drumleg and thigh to the bone!! I asked him if he wanted another and he said yes. This is the first time he's wanted second helpings. And he ate that drumleg and thigh to the bone as well! We then had to go to the check in at the park. We got in the car and of course he wanted to roll down his window immediately. The controls for the back windows are on the back of the center console panel. He rolled down his, and Dylan rolled down his. A couple of minutes later, Alexey rolled Dylan's window up, grinning the whole time. They went back and forth rolling each other's windows up a couple of times until Dylan put a stop to it by reaching up and pressing the "window lock" key. A few minutes later I unlocked the windows, and Alexey immediately rolled up Dylan's with a mischievous "HA!" that made us all crack up!! At the park, swings were the equipment of choice. He's a really good swinger. He didn't play too much with the other Russian kids though.  While he played, I talked with some of the other host families. Some are having problems with the kids adjusting, or food issues, or behavioral issues. I thanked God that we had ended up hosting the perfect kid! It's hard enough to deal with kids who are having problems, I can't even imagine trying to do it with the whole language barrier situation. After a couple of hours, we went home. Alexey was really tired after an extremely busy day, and went right to bed.

Thursday, June 24

It's 8am. Alexey is still asleep. That's 11 hours so far!! Poor little thing. Hopefully this will be the good long sleep that will finally get his body clock back in sync. I hate to think about him going back to Russia. I have a feeling that the orphanage is on a strict time table and jet lag isn't a consideration. Last night while I was talking to some people, I realized something. Earlier I said that if Alexey finds an adoptive family, that I want him to know they are coming for him- that it may take several months but they'll be there. Now I don't think that's such a good idea. What happens if we tell him that and then something beyond everyone's control happens? Russia closes adoptions, the paperwork falls through, any number of things. He would never know why no one ever came to get him. I read another family's story about adopting. When their kids could speak English, they asked them what they thought when they first came with the hosting program. The orphanage "nannies" had told the kids that if they were good, they would be adopted. I WAS FUMING WHEN I READ THAT. How dare these people tell those children that??? If something happens and the kids didn't get adopted, they would think it was because they were bad children!!! It makes me so mad.... The whole system and the whole situation just infuriates me. 

Alexey was still asleep at 8:15, so I had to wake him up. He came downstairs and ate his breakfast. I gave him a strawberry for the first time and he really liked that. One of Morgan's friends has some blackberry bushes that are ripe right now, so hopefully we can take Alexey over to pick some. He got his shower and came downstairs. I flipped through the cartoons to see which one he wanted to watch. He nodded at Scooby Doo and actually said "Scooby Doo". I don't know if they have Scooby in Russia or if he's picked that up from Dylan. Morgan and I took him to VBS and then went to work for a few hours. We have 3rd row tickets to the No Doubt concert in San Diego tonight- expensive tickets. But we're both so exhausted (more emotional exhaustion than physical I think) that we've decided just to stay home. When we picked up Alexey he ran to the Jeep with a big grin on his face. I could tell he was happy to see us. I reached my arms out and he gave me his first real hug. Usually he just barely puts his arms around me when I hug him at night. This was a real one. He and Dylan played Playstation for a while. Dylan says Alexey is actually quite good at it for a beginner! They're outside now playing with these cool bubble ball things my friend Jan got for them. Kind of like a nerf ball, but the back fin has holes in it. You dip it in the bubble soap and when you throw it, bubbles appear! When I was helping them set it up, I saw a snail on our front porch. I showed it to Alexey and in a very astonished type voice he said "oo leet ka!!!" (snail). I picked it up and showed it to him. He watched fascinated as the head and eyes on their stalks appeared out of the shell. He gently took it from my hand and put it back where I got it from. I came back inside. He came in a few minutes later very excited and wanted me to follow him. He had found the ornamental turtle in our flowerbed and thought it was real! I picked it up and showed him. We then hunted for some more snails. We got five, put them on the front walk and counted 1-2-3-4-5. I then showed him a roly-poly bug (some call them doodlebugs or pill bugs). It rolled up in a little ball and he watched utterly fascinated as it unrolled, flipped over, and crawled around my hand. This kid should be a vet or a zoo curator!

I just sat down and told Alexey "oo cheet sa an glee skee" (hopefully I said "learn English"!). We went into the dining room and learned how to write and say the numbers 1-2-3. I would hold up army men and ask my husband "How many?". He would respond with the correct number. Alexey picked it up fast. I would ask him "How many?" and he would say. Sometimes he would get two and three mixed up. I then had a little wooden puzzle with the numbers and some refrigerator magnet numbers. I asked my husband "Which is the number x?" and he would choose the appropriate looking number. Alexey did that with ease. We only studied for about 10 minutes because I don't want to overwhelm him. It must be hard to try to learn English when the directions for learning are all in...English!! I'm going to try to teach him 3 numbers a day, so hopefully by the big picnic on Sunday he will be able to count to nine.

The guys are in the pool- the afternoon meeting place! I asked Alexey "Morgan oo cheets Alexey plaa vaats?" (Morgan teach Alexey to swim?). He said yes. So Morgan got in the spa with him and taught him how to put his face in the water and make "big arms". Dylan was saying to Morgan "C'mon! C'mon" about something. Alexey mimicked him "C'mon, C'mon!". Oh geez! I almost forgot! Yesterday when Michael was over swimming, he was squirting the waterhose at Dylan and Andrew and yelling "World Domination!!!" over and over. Soon Morgan and I heard Alexey saying "blah blah blah- ination!!!" Morgan says I like Alexey because he's like a parrot. Alexey must be the cleanest Russian kid on planet Earth- between his 20 minute showers every morning and his hour+ in the pool each afternoon!

"My name is Alexey, and I'm a video game-aholic.". OY! Now that he knows how to play it, we can't get him off it!! I hate to tell him no... Morgan said we definitely can't adopt Alexey.  Because between Alexey and Dylan, Morgan would never get to play!! Dylan is spending tonight with a friend. I think the whole temporary big brother thing is wearing off fast. Alexey follows Dylan like a shadow. Dylan just isn't used to that, being the only child. So tonight will be a good break for him. Morgan and Alexey are playing Playstation while I search the internet for some computer games to help Alexey learn his numbers. I'm placing the links to the games I find on the links page. Easy, simple, and best of all FREE!!

I talked to the adoption agency today. They said that if someone hosts a child, they only have to make one trip to Russia instead of two. And that from start to finish, the process should take about 6 months. Apparently Ivanovo is a region that does not have a waiting period, so once the judge ok's the adoption, then you can go to Moscow, get the paperwork, and come home within a few days! If someone at the picnic Sunday decides they want Alexey, then they will take over hosting duties. We would miss him, but this isn't about us. 

I'm getting ready to go to bed (if I can pry Alexey off the Playstation!), and just got an email from Juli. There are a few families in this area who are interested in adopting and they're going to meet the kids at a park on Saturday!!! I know that at least one family (the one in Thousand Oaks I mentioned earlier) is interested in adopting a boy. PRAY HARD THE NEXT COUPLE OF DAYS THAT ONE OF THESE COUPLES IS MEANT TO HAVE ALEXEY!!! It would be so great to have him close by.

Friday, June 25

This morning when I went to wake Alexey, he immediately sat up and put his arms out for his morning hug. This child is longing for love and it breaks my heart. I have a hard time being too close with him, because I'm an emotional basketcase about all of this as it is. I don't want to make it harder on either of us by forming a close bond. But I do want him to know we care. What a fine line to have to walk.... We watched cartoons, ate breakfast, and he got his shower. He's really starting to get "shirt", "shorts", and "socks". The word "underwear" is a little tough, as is the "sh" sound in the other words. But he understands and he's really trying hard to say the words. Before we left for VBS, he said "peet". He wanted a drink. I asked him "What do you want?" and he said "Water"!!! HOORAY!!! Today we have a pretty busy schedule. Alexey has his last day of VBS today until 12pm. Dylan's friend Cameron is over for the day.  We're going to lunch with my friend Jan and out to see the baby birds that are in her Tree Swallow Nesting Project. Then I have to go to work for a few hours and the kids can hang out at the warehouse. It's right on the ocean, so this will be the first time Alexey has seen the ocean (except maybe from the airplane). 

I picked Alexey up at VBS. He was all excited- he had a balloon and some "dog tags" they gave him. He thought it would be fun to put the balloon out the window as we drove. I had to give him a firm "nyet!" (no). Back at the house the boys played Playstation while I got some lunch together. We had crackers, cheese, grapes, apples, and nectarines. With a bag of chips. Alexey liked the gouda cheese, ate some apples, didn't care for the crackers at all, but LOVED the nectarines! Soon Jan came by so we could go to the ponds to see the birds. When we got there, there was a duck sitting by itself. Alexey tapped me and said "One". He really liked the birds. Jan was able to catch an adult in the nest and let Alexey hold and release it. His main fascinations though were throwing rocks into the water and looking through the binoculars. On the way home, Dylan and Alexey provided the drive time entertainment. Dylan was coming up with really hard words to say like "Mississipi", "Lamborghini" , and the all time favorite "onomatopoeia". Alexey would repeat each one and they would giggle. Then Dylan said "Camarillo California". Alexey said "dom" (home). Oh Lord. That's enough to kill you. 

After the ponds, we came home and I had to immediately go to work. The boys hung out at the warehouse, running around and playing with the dogs. Alexey didn't seem so interested in the ocean though. On the way back home, he took off his seatbelt a couple of times. I had to tell him "nyet!!". Then the comedy routine with repeating the words started back up. Dylan would say something and Alexey would repeat it. Then Alexey would say something and Dylan would repeat it. Their favorite is for one to say "skaa laa" (school) and the other says "dom" (house). So they go back and forth with that. Just a couple of normal boys!!!

For dinner, we had pork chops, rice, and corn on the cob. Alexey ate all of the pork chop and then all of the rice. He always does that- eats all of one type of food, then moves on to the next. When he got to the corn, he didn't know what to do. He'd never seen corn on the cob before. So we all showed him how to hold it, and then we chomped on ours and make loud, obnoxious chewing noises. He giggled and then figured it out. And he liked it! Dylan has a set of walkie talkies and when the other person presses the button, the other one rings- kind of like our phone. Alexey was saying "Hello, hello" into his! He must have picked that up from hearing me answer the phone! After dinner, we sat down and reviewed the number 1-3 and then learned 4. I decided to only try to do one a day instead of 3. The concept of "How many" he understands, but the pronunciation is difficult. I told him he was "oo nee" (smart) and he really liked that- grinned from ear to ear. I don't know if anyone has ever called him that, but he is. When we finished, I told him he could play Playstation. He ran to the family room! He and Dylan are playing now. At one point a few minutes ago, Dylan's man was about to die, so he stood off to the side while Alexey fought off all the bad guys. At the very end, Dylan came up and struck the final blow to the last bad guy and killed him. Dylan said "I kicked his butt!". Alexey shook his head no and pointed to himself!! Either he understood what Dylan was saying, or he has an uncanny sense of coincidental timing!!

WEEK 2

Saturday, June 26

Morgan has taken Dylan and Alexey to the men's breakfast at our church this morning. It's going to be a pretty busy day again. Today is the day Alexey is to meet the couple from Thousand Oaks that is interested in adopting an older boy. PRAY HARD!!!

Many people have been asking me what I know about Alexey's background. Here's the information I was given. Alexey's mother had her parental rights terminated in 2000. He entered the orphanage in Ivanovo in August of 2003. I have no idea where he was in the interim. Possibilities include a baby home or with relatives. He's currently in Russian 1st grade. He has no siblings. The description the orphanage gives of Alexey is that he is an obedient boy who is quite active. He is outgoing and he likes to read books and play. He does well in school. He is caring with his peers and adults. Completely inline with our observations so far. Medically, he is diagnosed with residual encephalopathy. From what I've read, this is an extremely common diagnosis that is generally meaningless. We have seen absolutely no health problems in Alexey. The medical report also states that he has delayed psycho-speech development. I think this is because the kid is shy and doesn't speak up to people he doesn't know. He's extremely quiet around strangers. But once he's comfortable, he jabbers up a storm. Frankly, if I'd been through everything this little boy has, I think I'd be speech delayed too! It's a wonder that he functions as normally as he does! Alexey weighed 6.95 lbs at birth and was 20 inches. He's currently 54 lbs and 51 inches. He is negative for every test they ran- HIV, Syphilis, Hbs-AG (??), and Tuberculosis. No allergies. He has vaccination records going back to 1995 (year he was born) and they all seem to have been kept up to date. He did undergo surgery in June 2003 for phimosis (a condition where the foreskin of the penis cannot be retracted). From what I've read, this is common and generally corrects itself as the child matures. Surgery should only be used in extreme cases- there's actually a topical treatment that is a much better alternative to surgery. Chances are this surgery should not have been conducted. Poor baby. I can't even imagine how scared he must have been and how much pain he was in, with no loving, stable figure to give him constant care and comfort. 

The guys just got back from breakfast. Alexey had "blee nahs" (pancakes). I told him "doosh" (shower) and he ran upstairs. I had his clothes laid out. I patted the shirt, he tried to think of it but couldn't, so I said "shirt" and he repeated. I patted the shorts and he immediately said "shorts". I patted the underwear and he grinned. That's a hard one. I said underwear and he repeated. I patted the socks and he said "socks". Two out of four ain't bad!! Now we're off to the park to meet the couple from Thousand Oaks. I sure do hope they show up and I hope more that they fall in love with Alexey!! Pray for us this morning!!

Well, we're back home after a busy afternoon. We stopped by the store to get some Polaroid film. Alexey wanted a pack of gum. He wanted me to help him open it, and I did. Then he handed me a piece and said "Want one?". WOO HOO!! At the park, we met one couple that is looking for a girl. We met another couple, but I'm not sure if they were the ones from Thousand Oaks or not. Morgan took Polaroids of Alexey. The kids were FASCINATED watching the pictures form. Everyone wanted their picture taken! We had to go, so we left pictures with Juli to hand out to anyone else that was interested. The first time I've seen Alexey angry was today. His friend Sasha was there, and they were hanging out together. Then a little girl named Elena (I think) showed up. She came over to Sasha, put her arm around him, and said something that Alexey did NOT like one bit. He yelled something in an extremely upset tone and punched her in the arm. He was about to do it again and Morgan gave him a firm "NYET!" (no). I don't know what she said, but whatever it was it pushed his buttons. We went by In and Out Burger on the way to the warehouse. For those of you who are unfortunate enough to not know what In and Out is, first let me say I truly pity your taste buds! It's only the best hamburger on planet Earth!! While we were in the ever present long line at the drive through, Dylan started reaching over and giving Alexey "noogies"- where you rub your knuckles on the other guy's head. Alexey squirmed and tried to get away, and he put up with it a few times. Dylan soon got bored with it and sat back in his seat. As soon as Dylan was settled in, Alexey jumped over, grabbed Dylan around the neck with his arms, pulled him down, and proceeded to give Dylan a good noogieing!! We were all busting up!! We went to the warehouse and Alexey and Dylan played hard for the whole 2 hours. They had a sword and a sword case (scabbard I think it's called). One used the sword and the other used the scabbard as a sword. Alexey ended up getting both away from Dylan and proceeded to hide from him upstairs in the office. After a while, Dylan came in, his hands COVERED in black permanent marker (we have a lot of those around to write on boxes with). Mr. Alexey had taken a black marker, colored all over the black scabbard, and laid it on the floor where Dylan would find it, pick it up, and proceed to get marker all over his hands!! Mischievous with a capital M!!! When we got back home, Dylan and Alexey went in the pool. I looked out the window and saw Alexey standing on the edge of the deep end, getting ready to jump. I said "Jump!". He made the sign of the cross, acted like he was going to jump, and then ran and jumped into the shallow end!! Such a crack up!! Eventually he got brave enough to jump into the deep end. Then Dylan got stung by a bee. That ended all of the pool fun. As Dylan was crying, Alexey looked at me and said "p chi laa" (bee) and made a flapping motion with his hands. I said yes. He was very concerned and stood over Dylan while Morgan pulled out the stinger. Now they're watching TV and playing with the walkie talkies while I get my stuff together for the bird show tomorrow. 

Sunday, June 27

Today was extremely busy. We dropped Alexey off at Juli's house last night. Then I came home to finish baking about 500 bird muffins for the show!! The show was a bigger success than we imagined. It was the first introduction of our new business to the public, and we had a lot of interest in our product line and sold about 3 times the amount of stuff we expected. Plus, we picked up two pet store accounts!! For a debut, I couldn't have asked for more. Of course, this is all God's timing as we have come to realize. After the show we drove an hour south to Temecula where the big picnic was being held. I had all of my "Here's why Alexey is so wonderful and you should adopt him" flyers in hand and gave out a few. There were SO many people at the picnic. Alexey was glad to see us. We spoke for a few minutes to Juli and to Becky (the representative from ICA). I wanted to see what girls were still available- specifically from the Ivanovo region (where Alexey is from), so Becky told me there were two. Lo and behold, one was Ksenia- the little girl we originally wanted to host but were told had already found a home. I had to see her. Becky pointed her out as she was waiting in line for the slide.  Her back was to me, and before I even saw her face something just clicked. And clicked hard. Becky pointed out the host family and I went to talk to them. Seeing Ksenia close up made that click even firmer. As the host family described that Ksenia was a very bright little girl who got along well with their 2 younger boys, I knew that I had to have her. And not only that I had to have her, but that I had to have Alexey too. I've purposefully kept a lot of my emotions out of this journal, because I didn't want anyone reading it to say "She's going to adopt him, so I don't need to bother inquiring about Alexey.". But let me tell you, I've been on a serious emotional rollercoaster about whether or not to adopt Alexey. Every day I go back and forth at least 10 times. But when I saw Ksenia I just KNEW that we were supposed to have her AND Alexey. I can't explain it. I just KNEW. I talked to Dylan and Morgan. Dylan immediately agreed, Morgan was a little more apprehensive. Two kids, more expense both for the adoption process and general living. But he agreed that we would try to get them both. I told Becky and she told me that it is practically impossible to adopt 2 kids from 2 different orphanages. That it is very expensive and time consuming. To put it mildly, she was very discouraging about the possibility. But again, I KNEW I had to have both. She told us to pray on it and contact her in the morning.

On the ride home, the feeling that this was just right was solid. No more of the wiffle-waffle wavering I had been doing. How did I really know Alexey was mine? When I gave him a taste of chicken off of my fork when we stopped to eat on the way home. And I didn't get grossed out! So know we're on a quest to bring both Alexey and Ksenia home- if the agency will even give us Ksenia. It's a possibility they won't because of the difficulties involved.

Monday, June 28

I just got the call from the agency. They will not let us have both. We have to choose. What a disgustingly unfair position to be in. It throws me back on to the rollercoaster. It felt right to bring them BOTH home. I can't explain why, it just did. And now it doesn't feel right anymore. I don't know what we're going to do. This is just so hard- not only financially, but emotionally as well. Becky was telling me about how some kids end up completely disrupting the family dynamics once they're home. Do we want that? I just don't know anymore. 

Well, I had an extremely long phone conversation with my husband about all of this. It's been a really long time since I've cried this hard. During the conversation, I decided that maybe it would be easier on everyone if Alexey finds a new host home to go to. It's just not fair for us to sit here and waffle around during the few short weeks he has to find a home. Then I came downstairs and looked at him and Dylan sitting on the couch. He belongs here. I can't deny it. But I also cannot deny the feeling that is permeating my skull. A girl belongs here too. I don't know what we're going to do about that, because we don't have the $30,000 for this one adoption, much less the extra $20,000ish it would take to bring home another. We'll just have to see how it plays out. But I still have this gnawing feeling....

Some good news to brighten my mood! The Ventura County Star (our local newspaper) wants to do a story on us and the other kids. Plus Toby (the husband of our translator, Ilona) said that he would like to try to do a fundraiser through his church. The only way we're going to be able to do this is through some pretty extensive fundraising efforts. Maybe the newspaper article will help with that. Some more good news- Alexey just had his first swim lesson! Hal (my friend Jan's husband) talked to a swim instructor around the corner. He's going to pay for the lessons! Can you believe it?! Generally the ugly side of humanity is what I most often see. It's so great to see the good side as well! Alexey had a grand old time! I  thought the communication would be a serious factor. It wasn't in the least. He listened to the instructor and mimicked her. He knew "scoops", "kicks", and "bubbles" in no time! I told her that learning English was an added bonus to swim lessons! He'll go again at 4:30pm tomorrow. 

Please pray for us. Please. This is so much harder than I thought it would be and so much scarier. I didn't expect this at all. We were just going to host a kid for criminy's sake! In and out in 4 simple weeks. Feel good about helping others then go on about our lives. Heck, I didn't even ever think about Russian orphans before 3 weeks ago. Now I'm adopting one and maybe another.  I don't know how it's all going to work itself out. What if it doesn't?? Ugh. Too many emotions. Also, still pray for Ksenia. That she finds a loving adoptive family. She deserves it.

Tuesday, June 29

Another very restless night. This makes about 4 in a row now. And no matter what I do I can't seem to sleep past 5:30am. I am so bone tired at this point that I can barely put together a coherent sentence. During the day, all I think about is how this process is going to affect us. During the night, I have very vivid dreams. Last night was that it was years before we could get Ksenia out. When we finally got there she was taller than me and hated us for leaving her there so long. I spent the majority of the night trying to convince her to come with us. Very tiring dream. Last night, I had a dream that a woman called and was the mother to 3 of my husband's babies!! Talk about stressful! So all night I was dreaming about meeting this woman and her kids and just....YUCK! Even with all of this I still have that gnawing feeling that it's supposed to be a boy and a girl. I can't explain it. It seems just plain crazy to me. One will be enough of a disruption, but two??? I'm hoping it's just some residual effect because I felt so strongly attached to Ksenia and that it will go away soon. I don't know if I can deal with two or not.

It's been a very intense past 2 hours in our household. Morgan and I have been discussing this back and forth and forth and back. I think the general consensus is that we don't have a very strong "must have" feeling toward Alexey. We definitely care about him and are highly concerned about his future, but we just aren't 100% sure that he's meant to be ours. It seems as though we would know FOR SURE if he was. Maybe with a little doubt, I can only imagine that is natural. But for us to be as up and down as we are about it, something must not be right. And we can't bring a child into this family based solely on the "we feel sorry for him" attitude. It's not good for us or for him.  I've just placed a call to the agency saying that we want to go ahead and host Ksenia with the option to adopt. They may also allow us to continue looking for a family for Alexey, so he can stay here as well. Hopefully we'll hear back soon. Honestly, I don't know how much more of this up-in-the-air emotional torture we can take. 

Got the call. I spoke with Becky about the other host family and heard their story. They didn't just come to the picnic, wander across Ksenia, and decide on her like I was under the impression. They have actually been in contact with the host family and came to the picnic specifically to meet Ksenia. In my mind, this changes everything. These people already have an emotional stake in this with Ksenia. So although I could still be considered to host/adopt her, I'm pulling myself out of the running so to speak. And surprisingly enough I don't have a problem with that. 

Just got the call back from Becky. There are no girls being hosted right now that are available for adoption from Alexey's orphanage. Morgan and I are sure that we are meant to get a boy and a girl at the same time. It's the only thing in this whole mess that we are sure of. So now we're taking a brand new step. To find a referral from Alexey's orphanage. Then go over and meet her. And then hopefully bring them both home at the same time. 

If today's journal seems like a crazy, incoherent, up and down nonsensical mess, then all I can say is you should be in this house. Journal readers are just getting the tip of the iceberg as to how all of this is playing out. My husband says I shouldn't post that we have decided to adopt Alexey and then post that we've changed our minds. It makes us look like evil, uncaring people. But I told him that this journal is meant to accurately portray our individual experience, and to leave out some of the hard emotional stuff would be wrong.

Some fun stuff today. We've had a hard time with Alexey, um, how shall I say it- missing the toilet. The seat looks like it's been raining in the bathroom! So Morgan had a man-to-man talk with both Alexey and Dylan because the latter tends to be the culprit sometimes. He took them in the bathroom and had them both cracking up with his "Nyet!" followed by some interesting spastic "using the bathroom" gestures! Hopefully that will solve that problem. Alexey had his second swim lesson today- Jan and Hal came along. Wow! What an improvement!! He would get the rings from the bottom of the pool and he wouldn't go that far under yesterday. He has one more lesson on Thursday and then the teacher leaves on vacation for a week. We'll work with him while she's gone. After swimming, we went to the warehouse to work for a couple of hours. The boys are really good at entertaining themselves and staying out of the way. After work, we went to dinner at Hometown Buffet. Alexey was a little overwhelmed by the huge choice of food. He went for chicken, french fries, and a slice of pizza. I told him to try the fish sticks. He went back for a second helping. I was helping him put the stuff on his plate. He wanted another piece of pizza, a breadstick, and when I asked him "How many?" and pointed to the fish sticks, he said "Two". All in all, he ate 1 chicken breast, 2 pieces of pizza, 2 fish sticks, some french fries and about 3/4 of a bread stick. Root beer is his favorite soda. Usually he only drinks a little bit, but tonight he chugged the whole glass. Then he had a bowl of ice cream. I tell you what, people. We seriously take for granted everything we have in this country. I have no doubt that this was more food than this little boy has ever seen in his life. To see all of the people with leftover food on their plates, going back to get a clean plate and more food, really made me think. Alexey must think we're the most gluttonous society on the face of the earth. You know what? He's right. On our way out of the restaurant, Alexey farted. This started a hearty round of "Fart Wars" in the car between the two boys. God help me. We then went to the toy store to get the boys some good swords to play with. They each picked out what they wanted. Alexey liked the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles stuff and wanted it, but I said no. He put it back without a problem. I explained to the boys that the swords are only for outside. One understands English but doesn't listen, and the other one doesn't understand it- so we'll see what happens with that rule. 

Well, the evening has brought us full circle yet again. We are now leaning more toward adopting Alexey. And we still feel very strongly that there is a girl we are meant to bring home as well. Oy. I swear, this must be more entertaining than any soap opera. "Will they? Won't they? Tune in tomorrow for the next episode...." 

Wednesday, June 30

I slept last night!! The whole night!! I literally feel like a brand new person today- not the zombie I've been for the past few days. Today should be fairly peaceful. Have to clean the house because my parents are coming from Texas to visit us Thursday-Tuesday. I do want to note that Dylan keeps referring to Alexey as his little brother. Generally something along these lines. "Mom, Dad- do you know that my little brother is squirting the water gun in the house?" or "Having a little brother is fun! I can give him swirlies and noogies and atomic wedgies!". He also enjoys making his little brother repeat things like "I want a whipping." or "I want a swirly". Neither of which has ever been given in this house! If this adoption happens, at least we'll save fees on sending Dylan to Big Brother School. He has it down pat! I'm going to really watch them close the next few weeks to make sure this is going to work. I don't want to cause problems for my own child to save another. 

This morning's concerns have basically revolved around finances. Yes, we have people who are willing to do some fundraising for us, and yes the newspaper is going to do an article and that could help as well. But what if we commit to this undertaking and come up short $10k-$20k or more?? Most people do this in the correct order. (1) Decide to adopt. (2) Start saving (3) Contact an agency (4) Meet a child (5) Adopt. We're going from step 3 to 4 to 1 to 5 without that very important step 2 in place. Am I willing to go into debt to do this- knowing that the expenses are already going to increase substantially around here after the kid(s) are home? My son goes to private Christian school and I will not change that for any circumstances. Obviously the other kids would go there as well. We have the income to do that, but to add an additional loan payment on top of it all...I just don't know. I have done a very good job of reducing our debt over the past few years so we don't continually have that hanging over our heads. Do I want to go back into debt? What happens if these kids end up having unknown medical problems? Alexey definitely needs dental work. What about therapists? Are they going to need that? (Heck, I might need that after this is all said and done if not before!). I guess the big question I'm currently dealing with is do I want to send my family into debt- maybe a little, maybe a whole bunch- and jeopardize our financial security??

The boys have been out in the pool most of the morning. I don't even want to discuss how many loads of laundry I've done in the past few hours. I spoke to my Dad on the phone earlier and told him we're considering adopting Alexey. In fact, after explaining all of the costs involved to him that's when I really started freaking out. They'll be here tomorrow afternoon. Friday is a trip with all of the Russian kids to the zoo. Saturday we're going with my parents to Universal Studios Hollywood. Sunday is the 4th, so we'll have a BBQ here at the house with all of us and Morgan's grandmother. Then we'll go out to the warehouse to watch the fireworks (no crowds, no parking hassles, excellent view!). Alexey is looking very forward to "Salud" (his word for fireworks). Monday we work, Tuesday my parents go home. Wednesday the newspaper is coming out to interview us. It's going to be non-stop for the next several days. I am SO glad I got some decent sleep last night!!

On an interesting note, I found another agency that is bringing over some kids from Ivanovo next month. There's one little girl that we are interested in. However, they won't tell me what orphanage she's from. They sent over a bunch of pictures of kids and Alexey recognized two of the boys- that was pretty cool! But he didn't recognize any of the girls. Possibly because they keep the boys and girls separate or maybe he knows the boys from school but they aren't from his specific orphanage. Seriously, you'd think these agencies would be willing to do just about anything to get these kids placed in homes. Sometimes I feel like they're commodities on the open market instead of children. Our agency is looking to see if there are any little girls from Alexey's orphanage that are available. I'd like to bring Ilona back over and ask him about the girls specifically to see what he thinks of them. That is, if we even are able to find out about any of them.

Dylan just came downstairs with a huge grin on his face. I had sent him up to vacuum his room. "Little brothers are great! I got him to vacuum half my room!". Sheesh. All of this "little brother" talk was cute at first but is now starting to concern me. We're going to have to sit down with him tonight and make sure he knows this isn't 100% yet.

Morgan and I were discussing everything a few hours ago. Trying to figure out where we stand. Unfortunately it still only feels right for us to get Alexey and a girl at the same time. We discussed whether or not we would be willing to adopt Alexey alone. This would be going against what we feel God is leading us to do for one thing. And if we were to adopt him, what would be the reason? Would it be because we just plain feel sorry for him? That is no reason to adopt. This hosting thing is just so hard. They put this kid into your home for a month and I'm sorry but it is just impossible to not become attached on some level- unless you are just out and out heartless. I think there should be more emotional preparation for the families who get into this solely with the intent to host and not adopt. Or maybe that's the ploy- "You want to host and not adopt- no problem" as they snicker and know there's a darn good chance you'll end up adopting for whatever reason. Morgan and I keep joking about this "Hosting Scam". 

I know that not everyone reading this is a Christian, but for those of you who are you will understand and appreciate this. From the day Alexey got here, I prayed for God to lead me to something in the Bible to confirm the direction we were to take. I got nothing. Nada. Bupkis. Zip. The night the "click" happened with Ksenia and Alexey, again I prayed and went to the Word. Normally I start reading from verse 1 of the chapter or look at the subject headers and go from there. But from the middle of the page, this verse jumped out at me:

"Look, I am sending my messenger before you, and he will prepare your way before you." Luke 7:27  

To me, that seemed to say that even though the agency is saying this is impossible, God is sending messengers to prepare our way. We just have to continue to trust in that. That whatever God means to be will be. Do we as humans always follow His path? No. And what happens when we don't? TROUBLE! That's why I'm still having serious concerns about just adopting Alexey. If it truly is God's will for us to adopt Alexey AND a girl, then I think Morgan and I need to stick on that path. 

I spoke to a lady named Patti this evening. She used to live next door to me and has 3 adopted children. 1 domestic and 2 from Russia. The Russian children were adopted at the same time from different orphanages/same region. She was kind enough to spend some time answering my questions, praying with me, and just being a sounding board. The fact that she didn't feel an instant "click" with both of her children was reassuring. It's normal.  I then called Juli and told her what's going on. She's going to speak to the agency and see if there is some reason they aren't allowing us to adopt 2 that I'm just not getting. The couple in Thousand Oaks decided to take 2 brothers. But there is another couple in Malibu that wants a boy. Juli asked me what I wanted her to do- tell them about Alexey or not. I told her to tell them. It is absolutely not fair for us to horde Alexey while we swim around in our sea of indecision. This whole thing is about Alexey finding a home. If that is with us or another couple, I'm not sure yet. But if he is meant to be with us, it will happen. 

Thursday, July 1

Another fairly sleepless night. And then a disastrous morning. If I was giving these entries titles, today's title would be "Dylan's Dilemma". I told Dylan to vacuum the living room. I heard a very exasperated "ugh!" sound- you know, the kind that only a 12 year old boy can make! There on the floor were about 20 shark teeth. Shark teeth from Dylan's special shark tooth necklace he got in Mexico a few years ago. It was broken on the floor, the string no where to be found. Just teeth and beads. To say he was mad would be an understatement. I explained to him that I couldn't get on to Alexey about it, because he wouldn't understand why he was getting into trouble. I told him that he had to keep his special stuff put away where Alexey couldn't see/reach it. He informed me that he didn't think he had to hide stuff in his own house to keep it from being vandalized! (Very dramatic...) I explained to him that little brothers aren't all sword fights, swimming, and doing chores- there are down sides as well and he needs to think seriously about them before we make a final decision. Dylan was in tears. So I decided to let him stay home and have some "me time". Alexey came to work with me for a few hours. He had on his watch that Ilona gave him (he loves that thing!). He was making gestures and wanted to know what time we would leave. I showed him the numbers and said "When it is One One" (eleven o'clock). He kept checking his watch and was ready to go at 11am! Then we went to the store. He's really helpful and not bugging me about wanted everything he sees, which is nice. I would have thought that these children would be so needy of "things". Alexey is very sharing with stuff- like gum or toys or candy or whatever. Now the boys are playing video games. My parents should be here around 3:30pm and Alexey has swim lessons at 4pm. Then I have to go back to work after that for a few hours. It's going to be another busy day!!

My parents got to the house at about 3:30pm. We walked over to Alexey's swim lesson. And guess what??!! He swam for real!! This kid probably hasn't ever seen a pool until a week and a half ago, and he's swimming after three short lessons!! The teacher is just so taken by him that she told me she's going to give him two lessons for free. She says it's just a joy to watch him swim. This kid tends to have that effect on people... My parents gave Alexey a Transformer. I told him "an glee skee- Transformer" (English- Transformer). He looked at me quite seriously and said "Ruske Transformer" (Russian- Transformer). He's really excited because he gets to sleep in Dylan's room tonight. He's been a little more open to touching me on purpose today. I took his hands and was singing a song. Normally he tries to pull away. He didn't, so after a while I just let go with my fingers. He continued to hold on. He was coming through the kitchen when I was making dinner and reached out to touch me, but then changed his mind at the last minute and walked by. He wants love, wants to be held- but I'm not pushing it. I'm letting him do it on his terms. All in all, he was just a lot more playful with me today- like he's more comfortable. Makes my heart sing! I was putting him to bed, and he and Dylan were sitting up every time I would try to leave the room. I'd make a grand gesture and say quite emphatically "You better lay down or I'm going to get you!!". They'd giggle like a bunch of girls. The last time Alexey sat up, I walked over to him and said "Lay down you little stinker!". He said "No!" and laughed. Great. His first time to really speak English directly to me and it's to say "No!". Lots of giggling today, lots of fun- and we're all tired out. Busy day with the zoo tomorrow, so I better try to get some rest too.

Friday, July 2

Today was a really great day. We went to the zoo and met up with a few of the other hosting families. The Santa Barbara Zoo would be nice, if everything wasn't under construction! I had been promising Alexey that he would see a "sloan" (elephant). NO elephants! No tigers, no zebras, no kangaroos. Kinda frustrating. Alexey would run to an exhibit, find the animal, then want to immediately go to the next exhibit. Then we got to the leopards. The first one he saw elicited a very awe struck "ooooooo". I had my hand resting on the railing and he put his hand on my arm. I just froze. It's so rare for him to purposefully touch me. He left it there for about 10 seconds. That made my day! We rode the little train and he seemed to like that. Then we went out for lunch. This child ate a HUGE hamburger and a ton of fries. I don't know where he put it all!! We came home and I took a nap. Much needed. After I got up, my mom and I needed to go to the store and Alexey wanted to come along. They had a bunch of those champagne poppers for the 4th of July, so I let him get a package. We came home and he and Dylan swam for a while. Whatever jump Dylan would do, Alexey would do. Backwards, spinning, whatever. Alexey thinks Dylan is just the best thing since sliced bread (dark bread, of course!). I then let them do some of the poppers. They had a great time with those. He may have had them before, because he immediately knew what to do. Then I made them pick up all of the paper. Alexey wasn't really in to doing that. His "neatness factor" is definitely diminishing the longer he's here. I worry that he's going to have a hard time getting back into the swing of things at the orphanage. He did speak a little more English today. He said "Dylan crazy" and "Dylan spider". He and Dylan are at it from the time they wake up, until the time they go to bed. After swimming, I heated some pizza up for the boys then gave them some ice cream. We're going to Universal Studios tomorrow, so I was reviewing some of my Russian language flashcards for phrases like "Stay by me" and "Don't be scared". I started reading him off some of the cards. I'd say "Get a haircut" in Russian and he's make a scissor motion on his head. Then I'd sing "Ruske! Ruske! (Russian, Russian) and wave my hands like in the hokie pokie. He thought that was the best thing ever. We did about 10 of those, me singing each time I got one right. As I put him to bed, he was singing "Ruske, Ruske!". What a giggle box!! I also got a BIG hug tonight. 

WEEK 3

Saturday, July 3

Today marks the start of week 3. Even with all of the emotional turmoil last week, the week went by pretty fast. Staying busy helps. Hard to believe that he'll be gone in 2 more weeks. Universal Studios was a blast! I thought he may get overwhelmed and kind of freaked out, but he loved every second of it! On the backlot tour where you go into the building with the huge King Kong, I was telling him in Russia to not be scared. He just pointed at it, grinned, and said "King Kong". He's seen the movie or something before. There were a TON of people there- it being a Saturday and a holiday weekend. At one point, it was so crowded that I took Alexey's hand. We got out of the people and I loosened my grip so he could easily let go if he wanted to. He held on. Then his shoe needed to be tied. I bent down and tied it, stood up, and he put his hand out for me to hold again. We went on practically everything- the Shrek 4D movie (he kept trying to grab the 3d images and put his legs in his seat after the "spiders" blew air on them from under the chair!), the backlot tour (he loved Jaws and King Kong and the fake flood), the Spiderman show (he was focused on that with a big grin!), Back to the Future (he couldn't stop talking about the "machina" (car)), the Animal Planet Live show, Jurassic Park (he was saying "OH NO!!!" as we went up the huge hill before the drop, but was grinning the whole time), Backdraft (he didn't like that one- the fire was just too realistic), and some more stuff. We were there from 9am to 7:30pm. Long day and everyone was tired. Normally Dylan and Alexey are picking on each other non-stop the whole time we're out somewhere- either in the car or just walking around. We were trying to be firm with him yesterday and make him stop, because 9 times out of 10 he's the instigator. Very harsh sounding "Nyet's" and "Stoy's" (stop) "Nee Na da" (don't do that) and just gripy sounding English wasn't cutting it. He would just grin at us. With all of the driving Morgan is doing, it's hard for him to deal with the boys going round and round in the back seat. So in the morning before we left for Universal, I looked up a bunch of phrases like "That is not allowed", "Sit down", "Calm down", etc... I read them to him to make sure my pronunciation was right. When he would grin and shake his head no, then I knew I had it down. I wrote them all on a notecard and kept it in my pocket. You know what? I didn't have to use any of the phrases even one time! I think me just saying them before we left coupled with yesterday's semi-serious tones got the point across. He kept his hands to himself all day and Morgan was in a much better mood because of it! 

Sunday, July 4

Independence Day. I just opened a very ironic email from Juli. There is a couple who is extremely interested in Alexey. They have already put in an application and been fingerprinted. Independence. We could now have our independence from this whole emotional rollercoaster, knowing that our original mission of finding him a home has been complete. Alexey could have his independence from the orphanage- finally a family that wants him and will give him all of the love and care he needs. The question is will that family be ours or this other couple. I wasn't expecting to have to make a firm decision so quickly. I'm going to relate a personal story from the past here, because the ironicness (is that even a word?!) of this day is just too unsettling. On July 4, 1991 it had been only a few short days that I had known I was pregnant with Dylan. Here Morgan and I were, young, in college, and just starting our lives together. On July 4, we went to Morgan's dad's for the holiday weekend and that's when we told him that I was pregnant. That I was bringing a child into the world and that it had come about after a very emotionally turbulent decision making process. And here we are, exactly 13 years to the day in the same boat...

It's now almost 5:30pm. At church this morning, our pastor was out for the holidays, so our youth minister preached instead. His sermon was about becoming a child- childlike faith, etc... The first passage he spoke about was Matthew 18:1-4. The passage where Jesus tells the disciples that you must become as a little child to get into the Kingdom of Heaven. Morgan had his Bible open to the passage. He tapped me and pointed to verse 5. It says:

"And anyone who welcomes a little child like this on my behalf is welcoming me."

Welcome to the family, Alexey. We've known in our hearts all along that you belong here. Now our minds and actions will finally follow our hearts. That decision I had to make 13 years ago this week about Dylan was one of the most emotionally turbulent experiences of my life. My decision was the right one, I've never regretted it for a single day, and I can't even imagine life with him. I know it will be the same with Alexey. We feel so strongly that he belongs in this family. God brought us Dylan unexpectedly, and he has brought us Alexey in the same manner. 

Tonight is "salud" (fireworks). Alexey is EXTREMELY excited. We have so much more other than Independence Day to celebrate tonight!! Please pray that this adoption breaks all records for speed and ease of transition!! 

Monday, July 5

The fireworks went over great last night! Alexey watched them with big eyes. We've basically settled into a normal routine at this point. Eat breakfast, watch cartoons, play, eat lunch, run errands, go swimming, play, watch cartoons, play, eat dinner, play... Nothing terribly exciting happened today. Alexey is picking up more English. When he comes to me and says "Peet" (drink), I'll say "Peet? What's that?? What do you want?" with a smirk on my face. He'll then say "Drink" and I'll get him something. He definitely has a little defiant streak in him. If I tell him no, he'll keep doing it until I get really serious with him. I'm hoping most of it is a language barrier thing and that once I can explain to him what is appropriate, what isn't, and why, that he'll be ok. The whole time he's being "naughty" he has a huge grin on his face, so it's hard to get too serious! One thing that has really been helpful is his watch. When he knows we have something planned later in the day, I'll tell him the hour it will happen. When his watch reaches that time, he's ready to go! I think it's excellent because he's then has some idea of when we'll be doing things. When I put the boys to bed tonight, I explained in Russian, English, and hand gestures that my parents are leaving tomorrow and he can either continue to sleep in Dylan's room or go back to his room. He wants to sleep in his room. I think Dylan was a little bummed, but I'm pleased that he's so independent. I've read about how many of the children from the orphanages are afraid to sleep alone because they're used to being surrounded by so many children at night. Oh! I did get a message from the agency today wanting to talk to me. It will be interesting to see what they want, as they don't know yet that we're planning on keeping Alexey. I didn't call them today because I figured they would be closed.

Tuesday, July 6

I dropped my parents off at the airport this morning. Hard to believe I'll be back there in less than 2 weeks to drop off Alexey. On the way home, I called the agency. They do have a couple of girls that still need homes. We'll see how all of that pans out. I'm not going to worry about it one way or the other. If it works out, fine. If not, fine. I've finally reconciled the fact that whatever will be, will be with this situation. 

Alexey is speaking more English. This morning, he walked out of the house and said "Cold". He wasn't sure which vehicle we were going to go to the airport in, so he said "In the jeep?". That totally surprised me. 

I spoke with the lady at the newspaper. She's coming over tomorrow and they hope to run the story this weekend.

A social worker just called. She was really nice- asked a lot of questions about how Alexey was fitting in, what he eats, how my husband and son feel about him, etc... Then I got a call from the agency. Here's the story on the girls. There are two left- Janet and Ykaterina. Janet is 10 and Ykaterina is 12. The agency also has a family traveling to Ivanovo later this week, so they'll have an agent there. The agent is going to see what girls between 8-10 are available in Alexey's orphanage. 

I'm sitting in the living room watching Alexey play in the spa. I just caught him floating on his back in his life jacket, eyes closed. He floated like that for over a minute. I wonder what he was thinking. I wish I had a Russian-to-English mind translator!!

I called Ilona (our wonderful friend who is fluent in Russian) and asked her if she would come over and speak to Alexey. She said of course, that she'd be over immediately. I asked Alexey "pawm neets Ilona?" (remember Ilona?). He got a huge grin and said "Da!". He was a totally different kid from the last time they talked. He actually spoke to her without her having to drag every response out. It was such a wonderful feeling to hear him speaking comfortably with her in his native language. I had her ask him an assortment of questions. He likes school, math is his favorite subject (I knew that!). He wants us to come visit him. He hurt his leg here and that's why he's limping- it's not some ongoing problem. He doesn't like any of the girls in his orphanage (typical 9 year old boy!). His favorite thing at Universal Studios was the dinosaurs (Jurassic Park ride). I then had her ask him a few questions about the orphanage. He then went back into "shy mode" and didn't want to talk about it. We did get out of him that they have 2 bicycles but he doesn't know how to ride. He'd like to learn. So we'll have to go tomorrow and get some training wheels for Dylan's old bike. It was sad to see him revert back to that little boy who first came here over 2 weeks ago- quiet, looking away- when he was asked about his orphanage. It flat out hurts.

Alexey came in and asked "Peet?". I knew what he wanted, but looked at him like he was crazy. He made a drinking hand gesture. I shrugged my shoulders in an "I don't know what you want" fashion. Then his face lit up and he said "Drink". I said "What do you want to drink?". Normally he will say "Soak" (Russian for juice). Tonight he surprised me and said "Juice". More and more English every day....

Wednesday, July 7

Last night the guys rented Spiderman to watch. Alexey was extremely excited. They rented both the playstation game and the movie, and when I asked which one he wanted, he said the movie. As soon as the movie started he began telling me excitedly all about something, making spider hand gestures, etc... When he was telling me all of this, I heard the word "samalot" (airplane). I asked him if he had seen this on the airplane. He said yes. He then proceeded to inform us with frantic, excited Russian and hand gestures about every single thing that was going to happen. Dylan was getting pretty fed up with Alexey telling him in advance every little detail (it's amazing how much Russian you can understand when you really pay attention!). I have an extremely long day today, starting with the newspaper coming at 9:30am and ending with a presentation I have to give starting at 8:30pm in Los Angeles, so I went to bed before the movie was over. I'll just have Alexey tell me the ending!! We're going to take him to the movies to see Spiderman 2 later this week.

I spoke to a host family of a little girl last night. It was the same girl that really made Alexey mad at one of the picnics a couple of weeks ago. After speaking with the family, I just didn't get that "click" feeling. Unfortunately, I don't think that little girl is going to be right for our family. We'll keep looking. I'm waiting for that same feeling I had with Ksenia. 

Well, today has been a busy day so far! Sarah from the Ventura County Star newspaper came out at 9:30am to interview us. We told Alexey's story and how there are other children here that still need to find adoptive homes. The article is supposed to come out this weekend. Please pray that it touches people's hearts and they inquire about the remaining children! Wouldn't it be wonderful if they could all go back to Russia with adoptive families??!! We then went to a birthday party for little Masha. She's being adopted by a wonderful family along with another sibling set (twin boy and girl!). Sasha (the twin boy) is Alexey's good friend, so they hung out together. After the party, I took a much needed nap. Got up, went to the bank to open Alexey's account. They're going to print the information in the newspaper, so I'm hoping and praying people will donate to the fund to help bring him home. We're trying to raise $20,000. Ouch. That sure is a lot of money. We're also going to have a lemonade stand this weekend to kick off our fundraising. I called the City of Camarillo to make sure it was ok. They transferred me to some department who said I would need a business license!! I asked if she was kidding. Apparently not. But only if I needed it for zoning purposes. So I got transferred to zoning who said of course I didn't need anything. Governments- sheesh. Guess I better get used to it!!

Dylan was at a friend's house when we went to the bank. I told Alexey to put his shoes on. Out of the blue he asked "Dylan come with us?". WOW!! This kid's English is really coming along!! Tonight I have to go into Los Angeles to do a business presentation. I'm so worn out I hope I am able to speak sensibly!

Thursday, July 8

I want to share something that I found on the internet through a mission's site. I found it a couple of days ago and it has been haunting me ever since. It's from Seeds of Harvest- an organization that goes to the orphanages to provide aid.

"We will never forget what we learned at a children's home in Ivanovo, Russia (approx. 300km NE of Moscow).

Tatiana, the director, told us that in the month of December a decision had to be made on how to spend the very meager amount of money they had on hand for that month and their choice was shoes or food. With the harsh Russian winter getting harsher by the minute, the entire orphanage decided that shoes would be necessary if they were to be able to survive the next few months of cold. So for the entire month, each child was only allowed one serving of bread per day.

Thus, the orphanage was able to ensure that everyone had shoes to protect them from the snow and ice."

Ivanovo is his region. Whether this was his orphanage or not, I'm not sure. From what I've been able to determine, there are three orphanages for older children there, so the chances are 1 in 3 that it was his. I AM SENDING MY BABY BACK INTO THIS HELL IN LESS THAN A WEEK AND A HALF. And he will most likely be there this December as the harsh Russian winter grips the city.  

It's almost 8:30am and everyone is still asleep. Lucky boys!! So I'm flipping through the channels taking some much needed time to just sit down alone. Lo and behold there's a show on called "Adoption Stories". Of course I turn it there and watch a family that is adopting a 12 year old girl and a baby from Columbia. Well, at least I know my tear ducts are still functioning properly! Wow- mini nervous breakdown. It's starting to really hit home now. In 6-9 months we will be in a country I never even thought about visiting to pick up our son and bring him home.  

We went to the store today. There's a certain toy that Dylan has been dying to get, and he wanted to go and look at it. I said ok, but that we weren't buying anything (the budget crunch has begun). Alexey saw it and immediately had to have it. He must have asked at least 20 times. There was a huge "Nyet!"..."Da!" war going on between us, so the clerk probably thought we were insane. When we got back in the car, I explained in my Russglish that after he goes to Russia and then comes back to America I will get it for him. He gets this look when he's trying to figure out what I'm saying- furrows his eyebrows and you can almost see the wheels turning behind his eyes. I repeated myself with hand gestures, then I got the big eyed "AH HA!!" look he gets when he understands. I asked him if he understood and he nodded yes. That's the first time we've ever mentioned him coming back.

Just got off the phone with our local Target store. They don't allow people to do fundraising in front of the store (bummer), but I can submit a request and they may donate gift certificates. Can't hurt to try! 

On the way to the warehouse this afternoon we saw an airplane. I said "8 dyean" (day) "you go to Russia on samalot (airplane).". He nodded and held up 8 fingers. I indicated again "you go to Russia" and then indicated "you come back to America". He smiled and nodded. I said "lyoobeets America?" (do you like America?). BIG NOD and GRIN!! I said "You go to Russia, I cry" and made a crying motion and sound, saying "Alyosha (that's his nickname) wah-wah-wah Alyosha". He thought that was pretty funny. Then he did something that incurred the wrath of Morgan. On the way home, as we were turning into the driveway, Alexey took off his seatbelt, unlocked and opened his door. Because we were in the middle of a turn, he could have easily fallen out. Morgan yelled, and I mean YELLED at him "NYET!! YOU CLOSE THAT DOOR!!" Alexey grinned at him. Morgan pointed to his own face and yelled "No smile. It's not funny. Don't you open that door again!!". I looked back at him and said "Pawm neets Ilona nee na da" (Remember Ilona Don't do that). Ilona had made him promise yesterday not to do that again. Morgan was really, really scared because he saw just how close Alexey came to falling out. After a few more seconds of getting yelled at, he got the point that Morgan was really upset and his grin disappeared. Of course, as soon as he got out of the car the grin returned. We came into the house and I told him I was going to call Ilona. I called her, told her what happened and asked if she would explain to him yet again that he can't be doing that. I handed the phone to Alexey. He had no clue what to do with it. I put it to his ear and could hear Ilona talking. He sat there in wide eyed wonder. I had to press the phone against his ear again. He didn't say a word the whole time. I'm about 99% sure it's the first time he's ever talked on a phone. That didn't even occur to me before I handed it to him.

Friday, July 9

We're having another one of those "it's a small world" kind of mornings! I found a lady online that adopted a sibling set from Ivanovo (2 boys and a girl) and they know Alexey! We exchanged pictures and even spoke on the phone. The lady's boys were really excited to talk to Alexey, but he wouldn't talk on the phone- just listened. I spoke with the lady for quite a while- what a wonderful woman and a wonderful family! Like us, they hosted without the intent to adopt, but fell in love in spite of themselves! Their children have been home for 7 weeks now. It's so great so speak directly to someone who is in the same boat as us. And the most wonderful news of all is that Alexey's orphanage is a really good one!! HOORAY!! She said she had wished she knew how nice it was when she sent her boys back, because she wouldn't have been quite so devastated. I am breathing a huge sigh of relief today, knowing that he is going to be well cared for until I can bring him home.

Today we decided to go bowling. The first time Dylan handed Alexey the 8 lb ball, he got a big NYET!! Frankly, this kid doesn't have a muscle on him, so I wasn't sure if he was even going to be able to pick up the ball, much less roll it. Well, let me tell you, this kid can bowl!! We used bumpers, but rarely did he bounce off of them. He actually made 3 strikes!! Slow but steady wins the race...we played two games. First game, Dylan won with 96, Alexey was second with 92, and I was last with 90. Second game, Alexey won with 122, Dylan was second with 113, and I was the big fat loser yet again with 111. He loved every second of it. He'd give me a high five when he'd knock a bunch down, and come back with a sour look and thumbs down if he only hit a couple. Jan met us there and we went and had lunch. Then we had to go to the warehouse. The boys climbed trees like a couple of monkeys while we worked!! After that, we came home and went to Jan's house to pick lemons from her tree for our lemonade stand tomorrow. Oh, and we found out that the newspaper article won't be coming out until Monday or Tuesday. That's a bummer- I was really hoping for Sunday when everyone gets the paper.

Dylan just told me that he loves Alexey....

WEEK 4- THE FINAL WEEK

Saturday, July 10

We sure did have a ton of fun last night!! Morgan had some friends over to watch a surf movie, so the boys and I headed to the living room. We flipped through the Russian dictionary, calling each other names in Russian "Dylan sloan" (elephant), "Alexey gorill" (gorilla), "Alexey hoe chiss (wants) ____ (insert the words for dress, doll, etc..!!) and all kinds of silly other stuff. We saw a picture of a bat (the flying kind) and Alexey made a very dramatic teeth munching, screwed up face, full on hand gesture and sound presentation- it was hilarious!! Then the boys started dancing and wrestling. Had to get the video camera for that one. Alexey turned into a full on ham- looking into the camera and "performing"! It was a new genre for Hollywood- Kung Fu Dance movie!! I said, "Ok, time for bed" while I was filming. He put his face right in the camera and said "Nooooooooo". That phrase always gets a response! Then the doorbell rang. Alexey has never shown any interest in answering the door, but he ran to it and opened it. It was the pizza guy. I didn't have my credit card on me, so I told him to hold on. Alexey stood there and said "Hold on". Such a parrot!! After all of the excitement, it was finally time for bed. Dylan asked if I would read a book. I haven't done this with Alexey because I thought he would be bored out of his mind, not understanding what I was saying. I luckily found one of Dylan's old Dr. Seuss books "The Cat in the Hat Comes Back". So we all crawled into my bed and I read it. Alexey was attentive the entire time. He giggled at all of the "mylinke" (little) cats. When I finished that one, he wanted me to read another. I had given away most of Dylan's books when we moved a couple of years ago, so pretty much everything Dylan has is more text/less pictures. Dylan is a voracious reader and outgrew "kiddie books" a few years ago. We did find one about Garfield. Lots of text, only a few pictures, but the pictures were interesting. It contains 3 stories. I read the first one and said "The End" when it was over. "No No No!!", Alexey said. So Dylan read the second one. I told Alexey we'd read the other one zaftra (tomorrow). The boys went to their rooms to get ready for bed. I went to tuck in Dylan, then went to Alexey's room. He had his big book of Russian fairytales on his bed and was looking at it. I sat next to him. There are several stories in the book and a ton of great illustrations on every page. He would read me the title of each story, then flip the pages and tell me what was happening. He didn't read the stories, but he was familiar with them to explain what was going on. I didn't understand any of it and the pictures, though interesting and detailed, didn't really explain the story too well. I'm glad he likes books. I feel it is extremely important for children to have a love of reading.

Today is the lemonade stand!! We're going to go to some garage sales this morning to look for some good kid books. While I'm there, I'm going to hand out flyers that whatever they don't sell I will take for Alexey's BIG garage sale next month. Seems like a good way to try to get some donations of items.

We went to a few garage sales today. I handed out flyers at about 4 of them. One call back so far to come and pick up the extras! Unfortunately we weren't able to do the lemonade stand today. Morgan didn't have enough time to reinforce the poster board signs, and it was pretty windy out. So we'll just do that tomorrow. We have a big shipment coming in today, so the rest of our Saturday will be spent at work. Yippee... 

At work, the kids were busy making a "tree house". It's actually more of a big bush, but they cleared out an area in the middle so they can go inside of it. We were there for over 4 hours. They're really good at keeping each other busy and staying out of our way. After work, the kids were starving, so we decided to go get Mexican Food (well, Morgan and I decided Mexican food. Dylan said no and Alexey had no clue, so we won!!). While we waited for our food, we munched out on chips and salsa. Alexey dipped a chip in the salsa (it was mild because I'm a weenie!). He tasted it and made a "YUCK" sound- immediately gulped down a lot of his strawberry Snapple. After that, he continued to dip his chip in, but just a tiny little bit, and he'd wipe most of that off on the edges of the salsa bowl. He kept trying to get Dylan to eat a "bolshoy" (big) scoop of salsa! I got Alexey the chicken taquitos. When the waiter put the plate down in front of him, Alexey made a "uh oh" sound. I don't think he was too thrilled with what he saw. I couldn't convince him to just take a bite. The little weirdo actually unrolled each taquito and ate the chicken out of it!! Since we're originally from Texas and now live in Southern California, Mexican food is a HUGE part of our lives (and our waistline!). Our little Ruske better get used to it! 

I spoke to Ilona (our translator friend) this evening. Monday night we're going over to her house to talk to Alexey about us adopting him. The boys are sitting in the floor playing with a huge box full of Legos. Alexey got all of the men out and said "Eta sleeping, eta sleeping, eta sleeping" (This one sleeping) as he laid each of them down. Russglish is now the official language of the household!! It's great to see him incorporating more English into his play and conversations. 

Tonight will be the last Saturday night I hug and tuck my baby in for many, many long months. The countdown begins....

Sunday, July 11

Last night I told Alexey it was time for bed. This got the usual "NOOOOOO" response. I asked him if he wanted me to read him a book. He immediately started putting the legos away! We bought about 10 books yesterday at garage sales (for a whopping total of $3.25!) and I told him to pick one. He picked one about camping. This was actually kind of cool, because Morgan and I were talking yesterday about going camping this week. So we went upstairs and read the book. I pointed to the tent and asked him if he wanted to sleep in a tent. An enthusiastic head nod yes. Then I explained that you sleep outside when you're in a tent. That got the furrowed eyebrow "What is this woman talking about?" look! We determined we can go camping Wednesday night, so I told him 4 days and we'll go camping. 

After I tucked him in, I went to bed and lay awake crying silently for a very long time. I can't believe he's going to be gone in less than a week. It's just not fair to have to send him back. I'm so scared something is going to go wrong with the adoption process and we won't be able to get him. The thought absolutely terrifies me. 

Nothing like a heart rattling adrenaline rush to get the blood pumping in the morning....I went upstairs and took a shower. When I got out, I checked on the boys. Dylan was still fast asleep, but Alexey's bed was made. So I came downstairs expecting to see him on the couch- the first place he heads in the morning to watch TV. But no Alexey. Me, being the calm level-headed person I am thought "Maybe he's in the bathroom". And as I walked through the kitchen to go check, the following thoughts raced though my head: Oh my God, he's run away. He knows he has to go back and so he's run away. What will the agency think? They'll never let me adopt him now!! PANIC PANIC PANIC!!! It took me about 5 seconds to walk though the kitchen thinking these thoughts. I rounded the corner to check the bathroom and "BOOOOOOOOOO!!!!". The little booger jumps out from behind the corner and scares the living daylights out of me!!! This is he and Dylan's new game- see who can make the other have a coronary. Well let me tell you, I almost passed out right there. I screamed like a ninny- much to Alexey's delight. I'm willing to pay money to deal with this stuff for the rest of my life??? You better believe it!

Well, it happened. I had my first major freak out over all of this stuff. We were in church and the singing was almost over. I couldn't concentrate on anything other than thinking about Alexey leaving. It was just churning and churning in my mind until it finally boiled over. I knew I was about to cry, so I made a quick exit out the backdoor. Our church is right next to a park, so I went and sat at a picnic bench and bawled my head off. I swear, I haven't cried as much in the past 5 years as I have in the past month. This week especially. People in the park must have thought I was off my rocker. So I cried hard for about 15 minutes (boy, is that tiring) and then I prayed. I'm a very independent, head strong, do-it-myself type of person. I've gone through a lot of garbage in my life, and it has made me into a very strong person. I pray often- rarely for myself though. Today I prayed for myself and for something I've never prayed for before. Strength. Strength to get through this without going insane. I still have a family and business to tend to. I can't be an emotional trainwreck for the next 6-9 months. I prayed for God to give me the strength to get through this. Rarely do I ever rely totally on God for something, but now I have to. Without Him, I know I'll never be able to do it. 

Monday, July 12

Last night was the same trying to get Alexey in bed. A big NOOOOOOOOO, but a quick turn around when we asked if he wanted to read a book. We read two books, then off to bed. Morgan and I talked for a little while. It's really startin